Being Too Hard On Yourself (& How To Change The Script) and December Break

Hey heeeeeeeeey,

Today we’re tackling something that almost everyone faces but rarely talks about - being too hard on yourself.

Whether it’s feeling like you’re not doing enough or criticising yourself for every missed goal, it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of negativity.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Common Problem: You’re Too Hard On Yourself

It’s normal to have high expectations, but when self-criticism becomes constant, it can sap your energy and confidence.

You might catch yourself thinking: “Why am I not achieving more?” or “I’ll never measure up.”

The truth?

Being too hard on yourself doesn’t push you forward - it holds you back.

Below I’m sharing some of the things that have worked for me.

I can’t guarantee that they will solve all of your challenges, but it might be worth experimenting and seeing if they help.

Simple Solution 1: Change How You Talk To Yourself

Be kind to yourself and reduce negative self-talk

Instead of focusing on what you haven’t done, celebrate small wins and remind yourself that setbacks are part of the process.

I’ve been there myself - caught in a loop of “I’m not doing enough.”

But I’ve learned that stepping back and acknowledging the progress I have made is far more effective than beating myself up.

One thing that has helped with this is a weekly checkin that I try to do on a Sunday night (sometimes I genuinely can’t be arsed so I skip it - I’m human after all).

It takes me 10-15 mins and I cover:

• Last Week’s Observations/Reflections

• Last Week Wins

• Last Week Improvements

• Personal Priorities

• Health Priorities

• Work Priorities

• Other Priorities

Reflecting on the past week helps me see the progress I’ve made and then focusing on the priorities of the next week keeps me on track.

Also, as much as I love tech - I’ve never found a todo app I’ve stuck with.

So I actually write out my tasks on paper by hand.

It feels really good to cross out items.

If you’re struggling with the negative self-talk then, Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Model is a great guide for this.

The TL;DR is focus on treating yourself as you would a good friend.

Remind yourself that you’re not a lazy person

It’s easy to equate slowing down or taking a break with laziness, but it’s not true.

I’ve struggled with this before - taking an afternoon off would fill me with guilt, even though I’d been working flat out.

I even struggle with doing things that don’t have a tangible outcome.

The reality is that we all have a never ending to do list as a business owner.

However, it’s never life or death.

I sometimes find myself saying “no one is going to die if I don’t complete [insert tasks] today!”

It sounds very dramatic, but it’s so true.

What I’ve come to realise is that resting is essential for long-term performance.

And also finding things that you enjoy doing to relax you. Here are some of mine:

• Cooking and meal prep - I get to use my logical brain while also enjoying cooking a meal for myself and others to enjoy.

• Getting outside and meeting people in person each week (coffee, lunch, beers in the evening).

• Playing the Xbox - I’m not very good, but it gives me something to focus on that has no effect on my business.

I can do all of these things each week and still get most of my work done.

Resting does not = lazy.

Simple Solution 2: Goals and Adjustments

Give yourself permission to change your goals

Sometimes goals need adjusting, and that’s okay.

I used to hold on to goals long past their relevance because I felt like changing them meant failure.

Now, I see it differently.

Changing a goal is about adapting to new insights or priorities, not giving up.

This time last year, I was laid up in bed, working horizontally in a lot of pain from a herniated disk.

One of the goals I set was to play more golf.

Which was wishful thinking as I couldn’t even stand up straight at the time!

Even after a few months of physio and feeling much better I decided to remove that goal as it didn’t align with my other focus which was recovering from a herniated disk.

So, don’t be afraid of changing your goals (or even removing them) - its not a failure, you’re just acting on new information (like a herniated disk).

Check in with your goals on a regular basis

Something I intentionally did this year was to create a vision board (this was very unnatural for me to do) and save it as my desktop background.

I didn’t consciously focus on it every day, but it was always there as a reminder.

And I’m pleased (with myself) that I managed to achieve most of the goals I set.

Additionally, scheduling time (even if it’s 1 minute) to reflect on what’s working and what’s not can save you from feeling overwhelmed by plans that no longer make sense.

I used to go months without revisiting my goals, only to realise they didn’t reflect what I actually wanted anymore.

Now, I do a quick review every week when I complete my weekly checkin to make sure I’m on track.

Checking your goals also helps remind you why you’re doing the things you do each day, week, month.

Shifting your mindset isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress.

By being kinder to yourself and staying flexible with your goals, you’ll have more energy and clarity to achieve what matters most.

Take Action

1. Be kinder to yourself - you’re awesome, your friends, family and clients know it.

2. Reflect on a goal that’s been weighing on you. Is it time to adjust or let it go?

3. Schedule a 15-minute weekly check-in reflecting on the previous week and tasks for the next week.

4. Remember to take a break. Resting does not = lazy.

5. If you’re a member of The Vault - keep an eye out on some related resources in the Checklists & Frameworks coming soon.

Talking of breaks…

Generating Pipeline Returns on 8th Jan 2025

I’ll be pausing the newsletter while I enjoy a break over Xmas and the New Year.

Have a great rest of the week, be kind to yourself, be present with your friends and family and I’ll see you in the new year!